“Oh after 5-10 years of marriage, the passion will surely fizzle out, but the companionship remains, and that’s all that matters”, Many married couples convince themselves and each other of this as if it’s no big deal, while privately grieving profoundly over the loss of the proverbial “spark”. As beautiful and as important as companionship is, if we’re honest, for most of us, passion is an equally vital part of life.
In the midst of the hustle and grind of our careers, paying bills, tending to parents and/or kids, and that seemingly endless pile of laundry and dishes, it's easy for the sexual aspect of a long term relationship to take the back seat. Whether you're navigating the twists and turns of marriage or a live-in partnership, it’s the quintessential long-term relationship conundrum: the passion seems to have fizzled out. How can we revive it?
If you, your partner or somebody you care for has ever wondered how to reignite the romance in a relationship, this article is for you to read and share. Reigniting that flame is not only possible but also likely an essential aspect of retaining a sense of joy and fulfilment in being with each other.
In this comprehensive guide, we'll explore how to rekindle passion in a relationship: through understanding why the “spark” so often diminishes, what qualities in a relationship enable those feelings of fiery passion, and how we can reignite the flame in our own lives.
Why, when and how does the flame die out?
The first part of understanding how to reignite passion in marriage or a romantic relationship, is to acquaint ourselves with why it has faded.
There are several very common reasons. Of course, each relationship is unique and this is not an exhaustive list— but it’s likely some of these will resonate :)
1. Life gets the best of you: The grind from 9-5 (which for many of us is more like 9-9) raising kids if you have any, managing both sets of parents, rent, bills, household chores, and then even at the end of the day—the constant pull of continued access to work or the huge appeal of easy dissociation through social media, video games, or a movie platform via our mobile phones that go with us even to bed— just staying afloat can feel like a LOT. Adulting is quite the roller coaster, and if we don’t make it a point to DELIBERATELY and REGULARLY set aside time for ourselves and the people we love, OF COURSE THE PASSION WILL FALL TO THE WAYSIDE 🥲. Love needs to be nurtured and prioritized. It is not automatic. If you don’t make your relationship a priority, who will?
2. Romance gets stuck in a routine: If one’s wondering how to rekindle passion in their marriage, the likelihood is that they’re stuck in what feels like a routine of romance — this could also often reflect in sex that feels boring because you both just do exactly the same thing each time, just going through the motions without actually feeling anything. In long term relationships, many of us get stuck in the rhythm that we’re used to instead of exploring and experiencing new things with our partner and really making time to feel connected. The excitement subsides and so does the effort put into the romance.
3. Ebbs and flows: As it is with most things, our relationships and our life, has its own ups and downs. Especially with the downs, it can impact how we experience romance and intimacy.
4. Companionship takes over: With years of togetherness, love and passion can often assume a secondary role. As world renowned couple’s therapist Esther Perel has famously noted, novelty and adventure fuel desire — and so the limerence we feel at the start of a relationship becomes dampened by familiarity and comfort, even as our attachment and dependence on one another might deepen. There’s a sort of trade off between what we think of as “love” (stable, enduring, resilient,) and what we think of as “desire” (fiery, impulsive, elusive) and the key to a fulfilling long term relationship is to keep both aspects alive.
Before delving into how to re-spark the romance, it's crucial to understand the factors that may contribute to its dimming. As we discussed, life's demands, stress, and monotony can all contribute to a decline in passion. Acknowledging and understanding this dynamic is the first step towards bringing back the excitement and connection you once shared.
How to rekindle passion in a relationship
Now that we understand the different factors and the dynamics, let’s understand how to reignite passion in marriage or a romantic relationship.
This is always our top most point. And it always will be, because that’s how important it is. It’s the foundation of a successful relationship.
If you do find yourself in a position where you feel passion is diminishing, to reignite it, start by having an open and honest conversation with your partner. Share how you feel, what are the challenges and concerns, what are your expectations from them and what are your desires. Create the same safe space for your partner so they too can share how they feel about it all. Listen to each other without judgment. It may be a difficult conversation, but if you can both hold space for honesty, vulnerability, and empathy, it’s the pathway to a deeper, more honest, and more intimate connection.
2. Make time for each other
In the hustle of daily life, it's easy to neglect quality time with your partner. Make a conscious effort to prioritize moments together, free from distractions. This could involve setting aside regular date nights, unplugging from technology, or simply enjoying a quiet evening at home watching your favourite movie or listening to your favourite songs. Quality time fosters connection and strengthens the emotional bond between partners.
Pro tip: Do something together every day, even for just 20 minutes a day, that involves movement and sweat: dancing, yoga, or even just going for a brisk walk. The positive impact of physical movement on both mind and body is undeniable. It strengthens feelings of well-being, attraction and joy.
3. Rediscover shared interests
Another powerful way to reignite passion is to rediscover the activities that have always brought you joy as a couple. Whether it's a shared hobby or favourite board game that’s been forgotten, a favorite restaurant, or a weekend getaway, revisiting these experiences can evoke fond memories and reignite the initial spark that brought you together.
4. Invest in self-care
One cannot pour from an empty cup. To be able to extend passion to our partner, we need to start with self-love. Taking care of our physical and mental well-being is crucial for maintaining a healthy connection with your partner. Encourage each other to prioritize self-care, whether it's through exercise, meditation, or simply taking time for personal hobbies. A happy and fulfilled individual will contribute positively to the relationship.
5. Elevate the mood in the bedroom
This is one of the spiciest ways you can reignite passion in a relationship. Experimenting with new activities, fantasies, or new forms of intimacy can add an exciting element of novelty to your experiences in the bedroom. An enjoyable physical connection can make you feel more at ease emotionally with your partner as well.
A fun way to try something new, creative and fun in the bedroom is introducing a sex toy such as Pyaari from Leezu’s. It’s designed to enhance pleasure and intimacy between partners, and make orgasms so much more gender equal. Leezu's offers tasteful and high-quality products to explore new possibilities and enhance your shared pleasure. Incorporating these products into your relationship can add a new dimension to your connection. Leezu’s has a range of massagers, lubes and oils that can elevate your shared experiences.
Reigniting passion in a relationship is a journey that requires mindfulness, empathy, care, and a genuine willingness to work on your relationship together. By incorporating open communication, rediscovering shared interests, prioritising quality time, and exploring physical intimacy, you can feel more connected to your partner than ever. Remember, a passionate and fulfilling relationship is an ongoing process that evolves with time and effort. If you do want to nurture what you and your partner share, embrace the journey, celebrate the little moments of joy, and prioritise time for meaningful interaction and connectedness together.