How To Last Longer In Bed?

Why We’re So Obsessed with Lasting Longer in Bed

Can we talk about how our culture is obsessed with the idea that men need to last forever in bed? Faster. Faster. Faster. Longer. Longer. Longer. Harder. Harder. Harder. 

It's everywhere—movies, music, locker room talk. But where did this pressure even come from? Partly, it's because we've been sold this idea that penetrative sex is the only "real" sex. Everything else is just the appetizer, right?

Wrong. That's old-school thinking, and it's doing nobody any favours.

Most sex therapists will tell you the average time for penetrative sex is between five and eight minutes (realistically, that’s the time it takes you to cook a pack of Maggi). That's it. Not the hour-long sessions you see in pornos where everyone's abs are suspiciously shiny and nobody ever has to pee. Real sex is shorter, sweatier, and way less choreographed. Real sex is a good workout.

Oh, and here's a fun fact: only 18% of women can orgasm from penetration alone. Meanwhile, 37% need clitoral stimulation to get there. So if you're stressing about how long you're lasting during penetration, your partner might be thinking about something completely different, like whether you know where the clitoris is and if you're planning to visit it anytime soon.

Why It Can Be Worth It (Plus The Rizz)

Okay, so duration isn't everything. But there are legit reasons why taking your time can make sex better for everyone involved. People with clitorises generally need more time to get aroused and reach climax. When you can extend the experience, you're giving your partner the space to fully relax, get into it, and build toward something good. 

Like an orgasm that she actually feels.

A good time in bed is not supposed to be nerve-wracking. It's not about ticking off every position from some dusty manual. It's about creating an environment where both of you can drop into that delicious headspace where everything feels heightened and nothing else matters. When you're not anxiously racing against your own finish line, you can actually focus on pleasure, yours and theirs.

There's no one-size-fits-all answer for how long sex should last. What matters is that everyone walks away satisfied. But if you want to build up your stamina, we've got some tricks (and toys) that actually work.

1. Don’t Make Penetration the Whole Show

This might be the most important thing we tell you: penetration doesn't have to be the only event. It doesn’t even have to be the main event.  When you take the pressure off your penis to carry the entire sexual experience, something magical happens—everyone has a better time. That includes your partner.

Expand your definition of sex. Oral? Yes. Hands? Absolutely. Toys? Please. Get creative. Get adventurous. Try things that would make your biology teacher blush. The more you broaden your repertoire, the less pressure there is on any one act to be "the thing."

Plus, when you treat sex like a multi-course meal instead of a single entrée, you open up so many more ways to give and receive pleasure. Your partner will notice. Trust us.

Pro Tip: Spend serious time on foreplay. Use your mouth, your hands, maybe a well-chosen toy or two. Ask. Find out what makes your partner melt and then do that thing until they're begging you to move on. Starting from a place of "already satisfied" changes the whole game.

2. Get Comfortable With Edging

Edging sounds like something you'd do to a lawn, but it's actually one of the best techniques for training your body to last longer. The concept is simple: bring yourself right to the edge of orgasm during masturbation, then stop. Wait until the feeling subsides, then start again.

It feels counterintuitive, why would you delay the good part?—but it works. You're basically teaching your brain to recognize the point of no return and pump the brakes before you get there. Over time, you'll develop way more control over when you finish.

Just remember to use lube. Lots of it. And then some more. Nobody wants a friction burn in the name of sexual improvement.

Pro Tip: Practice this solo first (we’ve got something that might help), when there's zero pressure and nobody's watching. Once you've mastered the art of recognizing your edge with the right toy, you can apply it during partnered sex. It's like learning to drive in an empty parking lot before hitting the highway.

3. Make The Squeeze Your Secret Weapon

When you feel yourself getting close, try this: stop, squeeze the head of your penis firmly with your thumb and forefinger, focusing pressure on the underside. It sounds weird, and the first time you do it, you might feel like you're performing some kind of emergency medical procedure on yourself. But this move pushes blood out of your penis and temporarily dials down your arousal.

The key is doing it right before you reach the point of no return. Get the timing right, and you can extend things significantly. We’ll see you on the other side, doctor. 

Pro Tip: If you're with a partner, give them a heads-up about what you're doing. A quick "hold that thought" is way better than abruptly stopping mid-thrust and grabbing yourself without explanation. Communication is sexy. Confusion is not.

4. Let Your Partner Finish First

If your partner needs clitoral stimulation to orgasm and statistically, they probably do, then shift your focus there. Use your mouth, your fingers, a toy, or some combination of all three. Make it your mission to get them off before penetration even enters the picture.

Once your partner has already climaxed, the pressure on you to "last long enough" basically evaporates. You've already delivered. Anything else is just bonus rounds. Plus, knowing you've taken care of your partner can actually relax you enough that you last longer anyway. Funny how that works.

Pro Tip: Don't treat this like a box to check. Genuinely enjoy getting your partner off. Enthusiasm matters more than technique, and when you're into it, they're into it. Everybody wins.

5. Try Out Thicker Condoms 

We know the usual complaint: condoms reduce sensation, they don't feel as good, blah blah blah. But if you're struggling with premature ejaculation, reduced sensation is exactly what you need. Extra-thick condoms are basically built-in training wheels for your penis.

Most major brands make these. Try a few different ones to see what works. The goal is to find something that dulls the sensation just enough to help you last longer without making you feel like you're wrapped in a sleeping bag.

Pro Tip: Don't cheap out on condoms. Get the good ones. Your penis and your partner, deserve quality. Plus, experimenting with different types can be kind of fun in a weird, nerdy way.

6. Masturbate Before 

Sometimes the easiest solution is the most obvious one: masturbate before sex. After you orgasm, your body enters what's called a refractory period, where it takes longer to get aroused and reach orgasm again. For some guys, this period is an hour. For others, it's closer to a day. Woof.

The trick is figuring out your personal refractory window. Once you know it, you can strategically rub one out an hour or two before you know you're going to have sex. It's like stretching before a workout, except way more enjoyable and slightly more awkward to explain if someone asks what you're doing.

Pro Tip: Experiment with timing during a low-stakes week. Take notes if you have to. Yes, it's clinical. Yes, it's worth it. Knowledge is power, especially when that knowledge involves your orgasm schedule.

7. Go See an Expert 

If you've tried everything on this list and you're still struggling, it might be time to talk to a professional. We know, discussing your sexual performance with a doctor ranks somewhere between "getting a root canal" and "calling your internet provider" on the fun scale. But hear us out.

A urologist can help you figure out whether there's an underlying issue and guide you through techniques that might be hard to master on your own. They've heard it all before (much worse), and they're not going to judge you. This is their whole job.

Pro Tip: Rip the band-aid off and book the appointment. The embarrassment lasts five minutes. The solution could last a lifetime. Do the math.

The Real Truth About Lasting Longer

At the end of the day, great sex isn't about the cock clock. Pun intended.

It's about connection, communication, and actually paying attention to what your partner needs. Some people love a quickie. Others want to take their time. What matters is that you're both enjoying yourselves and leaving satisfied.

Lasting longer can be helpful, sure. But it's not the holy grail of sexual achievement. The real magic happens when you stop obsessing over performance metrics and start focusing on pleasure, yours, theirs, and everything in between.

So yeah, try these tips. Experiment. Figure out what works for you. But also remember that sex is supposed to be fun, not a stress test. Find your rhythm, communicate with your partner, and stop watching the clock. That's where the good stuff happens.