Spice Up Your Sex Life:  How to Use Sex Toys With Your Partner

Spice Up Your Sex Life: How to Use Sex Toys With Your Partner

When people hear the term ‘sex toy’, rarely do they think of couples’ play. There are two prominent misconceptions: that toys are only for solo play, and that toys are only for women. But toys are a lot of fun both for self pleasure AND for couples to use together! And toys exist for people of all genders! No matter your gender or sexual orientation, adding a toy to the mix with your partner can add a lot of excitement and pleasure to your sexytimes together!

When people hear the term ‘sex toy’, rarely do they think of couples’ play. There are two prominent misconceptions: that toys are only for solo play, and that toys are only for women. But toys are a lot of fun both for self pleasure AND for couples to use together! And toys exist for people of all genders! No matter your gender or sexual orientation, adding a toy to the mix with your partner can add a lot of excitement and pleasure to your sexytimes together!

Whether you're in a long-term relationship or just starting to explore your desires as a couple, sex toys can add novelty, joy, self discovery, and intensely pleasurable sensations to  your shared experiences. 

Intimacy is a vital part of any romantic relationship. And intimacy is often as much about emotional connection and communication as it is about physical chemistry. Couples’ intimacy and toys go hand-in-hand, as they help you and your partner explore new sensations and experiences, as well as enable you both to better understand and communicate about each other's preferences, boundaries and more. Ultimately, it can really deepen the connection you share, both physically and emotionally. 

Before diving into the world of sex toys for couples, it's important to understand how it works with partnered play, how it adds value, and how to approach them with an open and communicative mindset. In this beginner's guide to sex toys, we'll explore the benefits of using sex toys as a couple, discuss the importance of communication and consent, help you choose the right sex toy for your needs, and provide tips on introducing these toys into your bedroom routine.


When it comes to solo play, people are often a lot more open to using sex toys. They have their own reasons for it. Some find great joy in exploring their own bodies on their own terms. Others marvel at how effectively these products deliver orgasms. Whereas, when it comes to the idea of one’s partner using a toy in bed, some people are threatened by the idea, worrying the toy might “replace” them. Let’s debunk this myth once and for all. When it comes to using a toy with a partner, remember that sex toys are not your competition - they can be your greatest collaborator!  They can truly enhance the experience for both people, and should be embraced by couples with open arms! When we talk about couples’ intimacy and toys, the benefits are manifold.

Enhanced Pleasure
One of the primary benefits is pleasure enhancement for couples. Sex toys are made to stimulate erogenous zones and they intensify the sensation for the person who is using the sex toy, or both partners if the toy is made for couples. Even when a couple uses toys that are meant primarily to be used only on one person, like clitoral stimulators, clitoral suckers or penis strokers, it results in novel and exciting sexual experiences to explore those feelings and sensations with your partner. And if you use your imagination, there’s a lot you can do with a massager like Pyaari on a variety of different body parts for people of all genders! See what suction or vibration feel like not  just on the clit but even on the nipples, the navel, the scrotum, or the head, or shaft of the penis, for example- you might be surprised at how delightful it can all be!

Exploration and Variety
Experimentation with sex toys is endless. It can range all the way from using toys while having phone sex with a new lover or sexting with your long-distance partner, to using sex toys to spice up your sex life in the bedroom together with your spouse. Toys create that space for couples where they can try new things, break their routine and discover new aspects of their arousal, pleasure, and fantasies together.

Improved Communication
Sexual experiences with a partner are so so SO much better when there is an ease, honesty, and openness around communication. Yet many of us struggle to talk about the sex we are having even with the person we are having sex with. It is near impossible to use toys and lube without talking about what you are doing. “Does this feel good?” “Where should I place it?” “Should we use more lube?” “Shall I increase the intensity?” - you have to talk about this stuff when you use pleasure products in the bedroom, which is marvelous— not only do these products stand to enhance pleasure, they can also enable this type of much-needed communication in bed. For escapades with sex toys, we have to be vulnerable with our partner, discuss our desires, boundaries and even our curiosities. This helps us understand each other better and develop intimacy like never before.

Shared Experiences

In most relationships, partners have varied interests. If anything, we believe that keeps things interesting. However, as life catches up, some couples may feel disconnected. Exploring toys as a couple can create an intimate and bonding shared experience. This is sure to strengthen the emotional bond and fuel the chemistry.

Help with Sexual Challenges
Sexual challenges are never easy. Not for either of the partners. When we bring sex toys into the picture, they can aid in bridging the gaps. Sex toys provide solutions to sexual challenges and/or differences— vibrators for example can be a huge equalizer in terms of ensuring that the person with the vulva gets to orgasm as often as the person with the penis does. On the other hand, it also eases the pressure or insecurity a partner may feel to “last longer” as just because you’ve finished it no longer means you can’t continue to pleasure your partner without exhausting yourself - the toy can become a sort of wingman for both people to ensure pleasure is as mutual and exciting as possible, and each person can take as much or as little time as they like having their O’s!


Communication, for any kind of exploration as a couple, is paramount. Naturally, when it comes to sexy times, it becomes doubly important. As you introduce sex toys in the bedroom, remember to communicate effectively and that consent is always, always, always required. Here are a few ways in which you can communicate with ease.

Talk openly
Initiating a conversation about introducing sex toys may feel intimidating, and it’s only natural to feel so. But in our experience, the more intimidating a conversation is, the more essential it is. Find a comfortable and private setting to discuss your desires, fantasies, and boundaries with your partner. Be honest and open about your feelings.

Listen actively
This is a point that goes beyond the topic of sex toys for couples. Active listening is when you pay heed to all that your partner shares and engage in a dialogue. Without the feeling of judgment. Because their perspective is just as important to hear out as yours. Encourage them to share their desires and curiosities, without fear of judgment or expectation, as you too share yours.

Establish boundaries
Discuss in-depth what both of you are comfortable with and what are the no-nos. Healthy boundaries make our experiences more enjoyable. It also ensures that you add equal parts of comfort and excitement to the bedroom

Consent is key
Consent is always non-negotiable. You know that already, but we like healthy reminders. Ensure that both you and your partner are genuinely excited about and ready for whatever you’re thinking about trying together. Convincing is not the same as consenting. Always prioritize each other's comfort, and safety, paying attention to both physical and emotional well-being.


The first experience usually moulds our perspective towards the entire subject matter. To ensure you have a pleasant first experience exploring toys as a couple, it sure helps to choose the right sex toy. Okay, but how do we even decide what’s the best for us at this point in time?

Enhancing pleasure and intimacy as a couple is a very personal experience, but there is a broad structure in the decision-making process that you can follow.

Understand Your Preferences
Both you and your partner need to discuss what your preferences are and how they align with your desires, individually and as a couple. This means you have to recognise what kinds of sensations and experiences both of you want to dive into first. Are you into external or internal stimulation, or both? Are you wanting to explore vaginal play, anal play or want to explore a toy for penis stimulation? Ask each other and yourself such questions.

Researching Options
While in India the realm of sexual wellness is still nascent, there are many options available to introduce into couples’ play. From vibrators, dildos, anal plugs to strokers - there’s plenty to choose from. Leezu’s Pyaari Massager is an external stimulator that will be the perfect start to your journey. Remember, to choose the right toy, you have to ask each other questions, read reviews, and can even watch videos together about the products available to understand their features better before making your choice!

Considering Safety and Quality
Anything that comes in close contact with your genitals has to be safe and made with quality materials. In your exploration journey as a couple, look for high quality toys made with body safe materials like those on offer at Leezus..com

Start with Beginner-Friendly Sex Toys
When you hit the gym, you don’t directly start lifting. You stretch and warm up first. Right?  Similarly, in this context, it is wise to start with beginner-friendly sex toys. These toys are typically less intimidating and easier to use. They can help you ease into the experience and explore your desires gradually. Some beginner-friendly sex toys include small, discreet vibrators like Leezu’s Hulchul Massager

You’ve had the talk with your partner, you’ve bought the right sex toy… but how do you seamlessly introduce it in the bedroom?

Step 1: Clean your toy!
This step is unskippable. Proper care of sex toys will ensure safety as well as improve the durability of the toys. It is extremely important to thoroughly clean the toys before and after each use. To know more about how to clean your sex toys, read this article.

Step 2: Set the Mood
Dim the lights, hit that playlist with sensual bedroom jams, maybe light a scented candle. Sit back, relax and connect with your partner. Make sure you’re both in the mood for some sexy lovemaking.

Step 3: Foreplay
An easy way to introduce the toy is having it as a part of your foreplay. Start with gentle touches and caresses and gradually include the toy to enhance pleasure. You can build the excitement slowly and work your way up to the tempo and intensity you both may desire.

Step 4: Start Experimenting
As you build towards penetrative sex or intercourse, you can include some toys, like the ones that are meant for external play, simultaneously. You can experiment with different positions and techniques to find out what’s the most pleasurable for you and your partner. Most women for example, find that penetration feels SO MUCH BETTER when there is simultaneous clitoral stimulation also taking place! A massager like Pyaari can ensure this beautifully!

Step 5: Post-Sexy Time
After all the fun, make sure you clean and store your toy properly. Once you’ve cleaned them, store them in a pouch in a clean and dry area. And for rechargeable toys, keep them charged for the next time because there is nothing more frustrating than your toy giving up on you mid-play.

Introducing sex toys into your couples' play can be an exciting and fulfilling journey. It can lead to enhanced pleasure, improved communication, and a deeper emotional connection with your partner. At the same time, in your endeavor of exploring toys as a couple, don’t forget that they don’t have to be limited to partnered play. ;) You can explore sex toys by yourself to understand your own body and pleasure better too. Ultimately, this too will benefit your shared experiences, as you’ll be more knowledgeable about your body and will likely also be able to communicate about your pleasure more effectively! Another steaming idea is to masturbate together using toys. But we’ll leave the rest to you and your imagination.