The Top Three Secrets to a Better Female Orgasm (That Actually Work)

We’re going to start this piece with some hard-hitting, obviously-not-fake-news information.  Up to 20 percent of women have never had an orgasm, and about half of us are walking around wishing we had more. Mindblowing, right?

But here's what nobody's talking about: the problem isn't you. It's not your body being "difficult" or your partner being hopeless. Sometimes it's just about knowing what works and having the courage to ask for it. Better intimacy isn't some far-off fantasy-it's actually pretty accessible once you know the playbook.

Women, let’s all say it together: we're done pretending. No more theatrical moaning, no more faking it to spare feelings, and no more settling for mediocre sex. The female orgasm isn't some mystical hero that only exists in romance novels-it's real, it's achievable, and honestly? It might just be a five-minute read and one honest conversation away. Consider this your permission slip to stop performing and start experiencing.

Secret #1: Spend More Time on Foreplay (Like, Way More)

We’ve all had it happen to us. You've had a day from hell. Your boss scheduled a 5 PM meeting, someone ate your clearly-labeled rajma chawal from the office fridge, and you're pretty sure you accidentally replied-all to an email that was definitely meant for one person. The last thing on your mind is getting busy. This is exactly why foreplay exists—and why it needs to start way before anyone's clothes come off.

1. Romance isn't Dead, it Just Needs Better Timing

A flirty text at lunch. A steamy note tucked into their bag. A phone call that's just suggestive enough to make them think about you for the rest of the afternoon. Foreplay can begin hours before sex actually happens, and every minute of it paves the way for the big moment. Think of it as preheating the oven—sure, you could throw a frozen pizza in there cold, but we all know how that turns out.

For a lot of women, emotional intimacy and feeling close to a partner directly translates to better sexual experiences. Candles, fresh flowers, mood music—yes, it sounds like a rom-com setup, but there's a reason these things are classics. They work.

Pro Tip: The next time you're tempted to skip the romance and get straight to business, remember: anticipation is half the fun. Build it up and watch what happens.

2. Touch Everything (Except the Obvious Spots)

Here's a wild concept: not every touch has to be overtly sexual to be sexy. Start with the non-obvious zones. Run your fingers through their hair. Trace the curve of their back. Kiss the back of their neck or shoulders. Caress their thighs. The breasts get plenty of attention, sure, but they're not the only erogenous zone worth exploring.

Gentle touching creates sexual tension in a way that diving straight for home base never will. It's the difference between a sprint and a slow build—and trust us, the slow build wins every time. When you finally do let your hands wander to more intimate places, the payoff is exponentially better.

Pro Tip: Spend at least ten minutes on non-sexual touching before moving to the main event. Yes, ten whole minutes. Set a timer if you have to. Your future self will thank you.

3. Kissing Is Your Underrated MVP

Remember when making out was, like, the entire event? Before anyone knew what they were doing, and kissing for an hour on someone's couch was peak excitement? We need to bring that energy back. Kissing is essential to foreplay, and discovering new places to kiss can be both fun and ridiculously effective.

Try the back of the neck. The shoulders. That spot right below the ear. While you're kissing, let your hands roam. The combination of a great kiss and wandering hands is basically a cheat code for arousal.

Pro Tip: Kiss like you're teenagers again, where you’re scared (and excited?) that someone's parents might come home any minute. The urgency? Pure chef’s kiss.

4. Dabble In Sensual Oils, Candles, and Other Fancy Stuff

Mutual massages with sensual oils aren't just for spa days-they're for heightening arousal and making foreplay feel like an experience rather than a pit stop. Massage candles are particularly genius: they provide intimate lighting and heated body oil for drizzling. It's practical and romantic, which is a rare combination.

You can also explore erotica together. Yes, reading something steamy or watching ethical adult entertainment as a couple can add a whole new level of excitement. Find what gets you both going and lean into it. There's no wrong answer here, as long as you're both into it.

Pro Tip: Invest in one really good massage oil or candle. Cheap stuff smells like a bathroom air freshener. Splurge a little-your senses will appreciate it.

5. Actually Use Your Words

Women often struggle to orgasm if they don't feel safe and known. That's where communication comes in. Talking during sex isn't awkward-it's hot. Words that show appreciation, love, and desire create intimacy, trust, and safety. All of those things directly improve sexual satisfaction and bonding.

The only way to know what your partner likes is to ask. And don't forget to share what works for you, too. It might feel uncomfortable at first (talking about sex is somehow still weirdly taboo), but working on sexual communication both in and out of the bedroom is key to long-lasting intimacy.

Pro Tip: If talking during sex feels too vulnerable, start the conversation over dinner or during a walk. Practice makes perfect, and eventually, you'll be able to communicate in the moment without overthinking it.

Secret #2: Know Her Sweet Spots (Spoiler: Those Anatomy Lessons Are Everything)

Pop quiz: where's the clitoris? No, seriously. If you hesitated for even a second, we need to talk. Understanding female anatomy isn't some boring biology lesson—it's the difference between hoping for an orgasm and actually having one.

A. Introducing The Clitoris

The clitoris has about 8,000 nerve endings packed into a tiny space. For context, that's double what the head of a penis has. No wonder it's so sensitive. But here’s a quick little fun fact: what you can see is just the clitoral head. The rest of the clitoris extends internally and can be up to six inches in total diameter. It's basically an iceberg (No Titanics were hurt here)—the visible part is just the tip.

The clitoral head hides under a piece of skin called the clitoral hood when it's not aroused. When things heat up, the hood pulls back and the clitoris becomes erect (yes, erect—female anatomy is wilder than anyone tells you). Caressing and stimulating the labia can also feel incredible because of all the clitoral tissue inside. Some women prefer this gentler, indirect stimulation because direct clitoral contact can be too intense.

Most women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. This isn't a flaw in design-it's just how the female body works.

Pro Tip: Treat the clitoris like a DJ treats their equipment: start gentle, read the room (or body), and adjust based on feedback. What feels good can change minute to minute, so stay flexible.

B. Say Hello to The G-Spot

The G-spot lives inside the vagina on the front wall—think of it as the "come hither" spot. To find it, slide a finger inside with your palm facing up, then curl your finger like you're beckoning someone closer. You're looking for an area that feels slightly different in texture, about halfway between the vaginal opening and the cervix.

The G-spot is more arousing for some women than others due to normal anatomical differences. Some women love G-spot stimulation through manual touch, toys, or certain penetrative positions that put pressure on the front vaginal wall. Others feel nothing special. Both responses are completely normal.

Experiment and see what works. Try different levels of pressure, different motions, different angles. There's no universal G-spot formula-you have to find what works for your specific body.

Pro Tip: Solo exploration is your friend here. Get comfortable with your own anatomy before bringing someone else into the equation. Think of it as doing the research before the group project.

Secret #3: Try Female-Friendly Sexual Positions  (Because Not All Positions Are Created Equal)

Another fun fact: up to 80 percent of women can't orgasm through vaginal penetration alone. Eighty percent. That's not a personal failing—that's just how most bodies work. The clitoris needs stimulation, and many standard positions don't provide enough of it. So let's talk about the positions that actually work.

1. Woman on Top

This position is popular for good reason. Being on top gives you control over the angle, depth, and speed. You can move your body in a way that stimulates your clitoris while also hitting the G-spot at the right angle. Plus, your partner gets a great view, so everyone's happy. It's basically the Swiss Army Knife of sexual positions.

Pro Tip: Don't just bounce-grind. Forward and backward motion provide way more clitoral stimulation than up and down. You're welcome.

2. Sitting 

Having your partner sit in a chair (or on the edge of the bed) while you sit on their lap allows for deep penetration and solid clitoral contact. The face-to-face aspect adds intimacy and eye contact, which, let's be honest, can be really hot when you're into someone. Plus, it's easier on the knees than some other positions, which matters more than anyone wants to admit.

Pro Tip: This position is perfect for incorporating a vibrator without things getting awkward or logistically complicated.

3. Missionary (But with a Twist)

Standard missionary isn't exactly known for delivering orgasms, but add a pillow under your hips, and suddenly the angle shifts. This puts your pelvis in a better position so your partner's pelvic bone rubs against your clitoris with each movement. It's a small change that makes a massive difference.

Pro Tip: Not all pillows are created equal. You want something firm enough to create a real angle change-those decorative throw pillows aren't going to cut it. Invest in a positioning pillow if you're serious about this.

4. Spooning

The penetrating partner comes in from behind while you're both lying on your sides. This angle can allow the base of their penis (or toy) to stimulate the clitoris, plus the clitoris is easily accessible for hands or toys. It's also great for lazy morning sex or when you're both too tired for anything too athletic.

Pro Tip: This position is clutch when you're sore, tired, or just not feeling particularly flexible. Sometimes you want good sex without the workout.

5. Oral Sex

Given the 80 percent stat we mentioned earlier, oral sex deserves its moment in the spotlight. If vaginal penetration isn't doing it for you, you're in good company. Oral provides direct clitoral stimulation, which is exactly what most women need to finish. There's zero shame in preferring it-in fact, it just means you understand your body.

Pro Tip: Oral doesn't have to be a separate activity. Incorporate it before, during, or after penetration. Mix it up and see what feels best.

Bonus Alert: Don't Forget the Toys!

Sex toys aren't just for solo time-they're for enhancing partnered sex, too. Bringing a vibrator into the bedroom isn't admitting defeat; it's being smart about pleasure. Toys allow couples to explore new sensations and, frankly, they're often more efficient than human anatomy alone at providing consistent clitoral stimulation.

If certain positions are difficult because of pain, injury, or physical limitations, get creative with pillows and props. Comfort matters just as much as pleasure—you can't enjoy yourself if something hurts.

Pro Tip: If your partner feels threatened by a toy, remind them that vibrators don't have egos, emotions, or the ability to cuddle after. They're tools, not competition.

The Bottom Line

Look, dating is exhausting. Finding someone who texts back, splits the check without making it weird, and actually listens when you mention your favorite flower? That alone deserves an award. The last thing you need is mediocre sex on top of everything else. We need all the help we can get to make intimacy less tiresome and way more satisfying—hence this guide.

The female orgasm isn't a mystical achievement that requires years of practice or a degree in tantric studies. It requires three things: proper foreplay that starts before you get to the bedroom, understanding your anatomy and what makes it tick, and choosing positions that actually stimulate the right places. Add in honest communication, a willingness to experiment, and the radical idea that faking it helps no one, and you're miles ahead of where you started.

Will every encounter end in fireworks? Probably not, and that's fine. The journey matters too. But when you know these three secrets, when you're willing to ask for what you need and explore what works, better orgasms aren't just possible-they're pretty much inevitable. So stop performing, start experiencing, and remember: your pleasure isn't optional. It's essential.

Now go forth and never fake it again. You've earned the real thing.