Nine Shocking Sex Toy Mistakes You Might Be Making

You've got your favorite massage toy charged and ready, the mood is perfect, and then—plot twist—nothing feels quite right. Before you blame the toy (or worse, yourself), consider that there might be some surprisingly common mistakes happening behind closed doors. The good news? They're totally fixable. The better news? There’s no bad news. 

Whether you're a seasoned pro or just starting to explore what all the fuss is about, these slip-ups can turn your adventure into more of a "meh" experience than the mind-blowing journey it should be. 

1. You're not cleaning them correctly (or enough)

Remember this: if you're not cleaning your massager properly, you're basically being rude to your own body. And trust me, your genitals deserve better treatment than last week's coffee mug.

Using a dirty body massager isn't just gross—it's like inviting bacteria to a party where they weren't invited. We're talking potential UTIs, irritation, and a whole host of issues that will kill the vibe faster than your ex’s terrible music taste.

Here's the thing: cleaning your sexual massager doesn't require a chemistry degree. Most of the time, gentle soap and water will do the trick. Maybe even invest in a foaming cleanser that makes sure your toys end up squeaky clean. The key is doing it before and after every use—yes, even when you're feeling lazy post-orgasm and just want to curl up in bed.

Pro Tip:  Stash some unscented baby wipes in your nightstand for those times when a full wash feels like too much effort. It's not perfect, but it's way better than nothing. Think of it as the dry shampoo of the massage toy world.

2. You automatically go for the most popular toy

Opening a website and clicking straight on the “This is our bestseller!" option is like asking a barista what coffee everyone else drinks—it might be popular, but that doesn't mean it's right for you. The Magic Orgasm Pro Max® might be the Beyoncé of sex toys, but if you need something gentler or more targeted, it's going to feel like wearing shoes three sizes too big.

Your body is unique, and what sends your best friend to the moon might leave you completely underwhelmed. Instead of chasing trends, think about what feels good when you're flying solo. Do you like intense pressure or gentle teasing? Broad stimulation or pinpoint precision?

The most popular massager might work for millions of people, but you're not trying to please millions of people—you're trying to please yourself.

Pro Tip:  Before investing in the latest must-have toy (or our lovely little guide here), spend some time figuring out what your hands can tell you about your preferences. Your fingers are the ultimate research tool, and they're free.

3. You focus too much on performance

If you're treating your massage toy like a race car that needs to get you to the finish line as fast as possible, you're missing about 90% of the fun. It's like wolfing down an amazing meal without tasting it—technically, you ate, but did you really experience it?

Sex toys aren't just orgasm machines (though they're pretty great at that job too). They're exploration tools (ahem), mood enhancers, and sometimes just nice ways to unwind after a long day (even if you’re a man, no wait, especially if you’re a man). When you take the pressure off the big O and focus on what feels good in the moment, everything becomes more interesting.

Try using your body massager for a full-body experience. That massager you've been using in the same spot every time? It probably feels amazing on your shoulders, thighs, or even as a back massager after a stressful day.

Pro Tip:  Set a timer for 15 minutes and commit to just exploring without any goal in mind. Think of it as meditation, but way more fun and with better equipment.

4. You only use toys by yourself 

There's this weird myth floating around that bringing a sexual massager into partnered play is like admitting defeat or saying your partner isn't "enough." That's like saying using a whisk when you're baking means you're a bad cook—it's just a tool that makes everything better.

The reality is that many people need extra stimulation to reach orgasm, and that's completely normal. A good partner wants you to feel amazing, whether that involves toys or not. Plus, watching someone use a massage toy can be incredibly hot for both of you.

Think of your sex toy like a really good kitchen gadget—it doesn't replace your cooking skills, it just makes the whole experience more delicious. Your sexual massager can add new sensations, help you show your partner exactly what you like, or just mix things up when you want to try something different.

Pro Tip:  Start the conversation outside the bedroom when everyone's relaxed and clothes are on. Frame it as something fun to explore together rather than something you "need" to enjoy yourself.

5. You don’t use the right (or any) lube

Not using lube with your massage toy is like trying to slide down a waterslide without water—technically possible, but why would you want to? Even if you think you're naturally producing enough lubrication, adding some extra slip can transform your entire experience from "that was really nice" to "That was the best thing to happen to me."

Here's where it gets slightly complicated: not all lubes play nice with all toys. If you've got a silicone-based sexual massager (which most quality toys are these days), you'll want to stick with water-based or oil-based options. Silicone lube will literally eat away at your toy over time, which is expensive and annoying.

Pro Tip: The good news is that water-based lubes are easy to find (like here on our website), easy to clean up, and work with pretty much everything. Plus, sometimes they also come with flavours (because why shouldn’t your tastebuds have some fun?). Think of lube as the olive oil of the pleasure world—it makes everything better and smoother.

6. You think expensive always means better

Listen, we all love luxury, but assuming the most expensive massager automatically equals the best experience is like thinking the fanciest restaurant in town will definitely have your favorite meal. 

When you're starting out, expensive toys can work against you. If you don't know whether you prefer rumbly or buzzy vibrations, investing in a premium massager might leave you with a very expensive paperweight.

After you know what you like, splurging can be worth it. More expensive brands tend to have better warranties, higher quality materials and parts, and will generally last you a long time.

Pro Tip: Start with something affordable but body-safe (we call her our lovely little Lipstick), figure out what makes you tick, and then upgrade if you want to. Think of it like dating—you don't marry the first person you meet just because they're wearing expensive clothes.

7. You skip the instruction manual

We know, we know—who has time to read instructions when you've got a shiny new toy waiting? But skipping the manual is like trying to use a new phone without knowing where any of the buttons are. You'll figure it out eventually, but you might miss some really good features along the way.

Most battery-operated sexual massagers need a full charge before their first use to maximize battery life. Plus, wouldn't you rather know what all those buttons do (or better, what tunes they help you sing) before you accidentally hit the "earthquake mode" button at the worst possible moment.

Instructions also tell you important stuff about cleaning, storage, and warranty information. Your future self will thank you when your massage toy dies six months in and you know how to get it replaced.

Pro Tip: Take a photo of your receipt and register your toy's warranty immediately. Treat it like any other electronic device—because that's essentially what it is.

8. You share toys without the proper precautions

Sharing your body massager without proper precautions is basically like sharing a toothbrush—it sounds gross when you put it that way, right? Whether you're switching between different areas of your own body or sharing with a partner, you need to think about bacteria transfer.

Using the same sexual massager for different types of play without cleaning in between can introduce bacteria where it doesn't belong. Your body is pretty good at maintaining its own bacterial balance, but cross-contamination can throw everything off and lead to infections.

The solution is surprisingly simple: either clean thoroughly between uses or use barriers like condoms. It's not sexy to think about, but neither is dealing with an infection later.

Pro Tip: Buy a variety pack of non-lubricated condoms and keep them handy. They make sharing safe and cleanup way easier. Plus, you can change "outfits" for your toy depending on your mood.

9. You’re letting shame crash the party

Here’s something important you need to remind yourself: if you're embarrassed about using a massage toy, you're not alone, but you're also missing out on a lot of fun. There's absolutely nothing wrong with needing or wanting extra stimulation—it's like being embarrassed about wearing glasses because your eyes need help seeing clearly.

For the dudes reading this—sex toys are tools for pleasure, plain and simple. They're not replacing anything or compensating for anything—they're just adding to your experience. Some people need them to orgasm, some people just enjoy the variety they bring, and both are completely normal.

The best way to get over toy shame is to normalize them in your mind. Shop for them like you'd shop for any other self-care product. Choose ones that look appealing to you. Integrate them into your routine naturally.

Pro Tip: Start thinking of your massager as essential self-care equipment, like a good skincare routine or comfortable pajamas. Because really, that's exactly what it is.

The Bottom Line

Your body massager should be enhancing your life, not complicating it. Whether you're team sexual massager veteran or just starting to explore what all the fuss is about, avoiding these common mistakes will help you get the most out of your investment.

Remember, there's no "right" way to use a massage toy except the way that feels good to you. These guidelines are just here to help you have the safest, most satisfying experience possible. The rest is up to you and your creativity.

Now go forth and enjoy your perfectly clean, properly lubricated, shame-free pleasure journey. You deserve nothing less than amazing.

About the author:

Author of the most comprehensive dating guide for gay men, Aniruddha Mahale is a columnist who mines his romantic (mis)adventures to write about modern love, sex, and relationships. With bylines in Buzzfeed, GQ Magazine, Homegrown, and Huffington Post, Mahale is currently working on his third novel (when he’s not working on his macro splits).