Why Women Fake Orgasms (And Why It's Complicated)

We've spent centuries helping our women readers navigate the wild world of dating, relationships, and bedroom dynamics. But today? We're extending that favor to anyone who's ever wondered why their partner might be putting on an Oscar-worthy performance between the sheets.

Because here's what nobody talks about at brunch: nearly 60% of women have faked an orgasm at some point. And before you spiral, about 25% of men have done it too. This isn't a gender war—it's a communication gap wrapped in moans and heavy breathing.

Yes, We All Fake It (And That's Okay-ish)

We all do it. Maybe not every time, not even often, but most of us have pulled off at least one convincing performance. And honestly? It's not always the relationship crime scene everyone makes it out to be.

Think about it. We fake enthusiasm when our friend shows us their mediocre painting. We fake interest during that third story about someone's cat. We even fake being awake during morning meetings. Faking pleasure occasionally doesn't make you a fraud—it makes you human.

Pro Tip: Think of fake orgasms like using a white lie to escape an awkward party—fine in emergencies, problematic if it becomes your exit strategy for everything. The difference between intimacy and isolation is how often you need the escape hatch.

The Real Reasons Women Are Faking Orgasms

1. When Sex Takes Really Long

Sometimes sex is just... taking forever. You're tired, you've got work tomorrow, and your mind keeps wandering to that email you forgot to send. You're not having a terrible time, but you're also not heading toward the finish line anytime soon. So you speed things along with some strategic enthusiasm.

This isn't about lying to your partner, it's about being realistic. Not every sexual encounter needs to be a marathon. Sometimes, a quickie that ends efficiently is better than an hour-long session that leaves everyone frustrated and checking their phones.

Pro Tip: If you're faking it more often than you're checking your ex's Instagram (so, pretty frequently), it's time for a conversation. One fake-out per season? You're human. One per encounter? Houston, we have a situation communication problem.

2. When You Want To Protect Their Feelings

Your partner finishes. Now there's this weird expectation hanging in the air. They're looking at you with hopeful eyes, asking, "Did you...?" And suddenly your genuine pleasure, the closeness, the fun, the connection, gets reduced to one binary question: Did. You. Come?

The pressure to orgasm can make it harder to orgasm. It's like trying to fall asleep while someone stands over you asking, "Are you asleep yet?" Your body tenses up, your mind races, and what should be fun becomes a performance review.

Pro Tip: Swap "Did you come?" for "What felt good?" It's the difference between a pass/fail exam and a choose-your-own-adventure book. One makes you anxious, the other makes you want to keep playing.

3. When You Use It To Turn Your Partner On

Some women fake orgasms, hoping it'll actually turn them on enough to have a real one. Others do it to rev up their partner, hoping the increased energy will shift things into a gear that actually works. It's not dishonesty, it's strategy.

And sometimes? You're faking it because you want to feel close to your partner without the vulnerability of admitting, "Hey, this isn't working for me tonight." That's not about bad sex moves, that's about emotional walls.

Pro Tip: Using fake orgasms to cope with emotional distance is like using band-aids to fix a broken bone, sure, you've covered something, but you haven't actually solved anything. If you can't be vulnerable during sex, ask yourself where else you're building walls. It’s more than just the bedroom.

Faking Orgasms Involves Girl Math

Here's something wild: in one UK survey, 31% of men couldn't identify the clitoris on an anatomy chart. The clitoris. The organ that exists solely for pleasure, that has about 8,000 nerve endings, and that's crucial for most women's orgasms.

This isn't about shaming anyone, it's about acknowledging that we're all working with incomplete information. Around 80% of women can't orgasm from penetration alone, yet that's still what we think of as "real sex." No wonder there's a disconnect.

When the basic mechanics of pleasure are shrouded in mystery, faking it becomes almost inevitable. You can't guide someone to a destination they don't believe exists.

Pro Tip: Treat learning your partner's anatomy like you'd treat learning their coffee order, ask questions, pay attention to details, and for the love of god, don't guess if you're not sure. Nobody wants you confidently serving them oat milk when they're allergic to nuts.

Why Are We Really Faking Orgasms?

To be honest, habitual faking isn't sustainable. If you're consistently performing orgasms you're not having, you're training your partner to do exactly what doesn't work for you. That's not kindness, that's setting everyone up for frustration.

The guy who thinks his go-to move is brilliant? He learned it from someone who faked enthusiasm. The woman who's bored in bed? She never taught her partner what she actually needed. Over time, these small, dishonest moments build into major resentment.

Plus, fake orgasms can mask real issues. Chronic pain, medication side effects, depression, and anxiety, all of these can affect your ability to orgasm. If you're always faking it, you might miss signs that something needs medical attention.

Pro Tip: If you've been faking it for six months, you haven't been protecting anyone's feelings, you've been writing fiction. And now you're stuck as the author of a story nobody wants to read. Stop before you hit chapter 150.

How to Talk About It (Without Killing the Vibe)

Most women who fake orgasms want to talk about it, but don't know how. They're worried about hurting feelings, killing the mood, or making their partner feel inadequate. So they stay quiet, moan at the right moments, and hope things magically improve.

But good sex requires feedback. You wouldn't expect a chef to perfect your favorite dish without telling them what you like, right? The same principle applies here.

Try this instead of the post-sex debrief: talk during sex. Not in a clinical way, but in a hot one. "That feels amazing," or "A little to the left," or "Let's try this instead." Make feedback part of the experience, not a separate conversation that feels like criticism.

Pro Tip: Make feedback sound hot and dirty, not clinical. "That feels amazing" works better than a TED Talk mid-thrust. You're collaborating on pleasure, not conducting a performance review. Save the spreadsheets for work.

Communication is sexy when you do it right. Here are some lines that actually work in real time:

• "Does this still feel good?"
  Translation: I'm checking in without making it weird.
  Use this when you've been doing the same thing for a while and want to gauge whether it's still hitting the mark or it's time to switch gears.
  
  
• "What do you want next?"
  Translation: I'm handing you the remote control.
  This one's gold because it makes your partner feel empowered instead of interrogated. Plus, hearing someone say exactly what they want? That's the good stuff.
  
  
• "You're being louder/quieter than usual, want to try something different or take a break?"
  Translation: I notice you, and I'm not just going through the motions.
  This shows you're paying attention to their responses, which is hotter than pretending everything's perfect when it's not.
  
  
• "I thought I'd like this position, but I'm not feeling it tonight. Can we try something else?"
  Translation: My needs change, and that's normal.
  This one's crucial because it normalizes the fact that what worked last Tuesday might not work today. Bodies are weird. Preferences shift. That's life.
  
  
• "I love when we use [that toy]. What do you think about it? Are there others you want to try?"
  Translation: Let's expand our playbook together.
  Talking about toys takes the pressure off bodies to do everything. Plus, it opens the door to fun shopping conversations that can happen fully clothed.